BEING DUDELESS?
Just got dumped?
Filed for divorce? Your fiancé
got cold feet and cancelled the wedding? Ex-wife wants to reconcile? Found out
your honey had another on the side? No
good guys in sight? Don’t worry! Being dudeless for a while might be a
refreshing surprise; that is if you know what to do.
Staying sane and single can be a challenge, but can offer
some pleasant surprises. Here are 7 tips
to make the ride a pleasant journey.
#1 Begin to think of you first. Start making plans that include activities
that you love to do. Sign up for a ski
class, tennis class, yoga class, dance class, Spanish class, computer class,
etc. Choose anything that you have
wanted to do but your relationship swallowed up your time and didn’t allow for
personal stuff to take center stage.
#2 Think vacation! Travel alone on a single’s cruise or a
Club Med, or ask a friend or family member to get away for a few days. Sometimes, just a change of pace and scenery,
can be liberating and help your healing.
#3 Take some time to discover you. Spend some nights alone and find that waking
in the morning without a man can be tolerable; perhaps even pleasant. For sure you won’t die! Try using meditation,
say positive affirmations to yourself, (i.e.: I am a worthy person; I deserve
happiness and joy; I am complete and lovable.) Take baths, read a book and
watch old movies to entertain yourself instead of spending time choosing an
outfit, primping, applying make-up, and wearing shoes that kill your feet and
your pocketbook. Go ahead: Veg out, chill out, zone out and have a good
cry. Journaling is a wonderful way to
discharge your feelings.
#4. Exercise! It worked for Forest Gump and it will work
for you. Bike, run, walk, work out, swim
or participate in a sport. Exercising is
like exorcising. Revving up those
endomorphins is a great release to rid you of bad feelings. Masturbation is not a bad idea either! You’ll meet a better class of people!
#5. Spend some quality time with your girlfriends. In the end, you’ll discover they matter the
most anyway. Boyfriends come and go;
husbands do the same; kids grow up and start their own lives, but girlfriends
are forever. Furthermore, no one understands
a chick’s pain better than another chick.
Maybe you’ll have to pay for your own dinner, but the nurturing,
empathy, understanding, support and friendship is well worth it. Dudes simply
don’t have the programming in their brains to do what your girlfriends can
do. A champion fight or basketball game
will take precedent over a“let’s talk”
every time.
#6. Pamper yourself.
Get a massage; change your hair color or style, sign up for a spa day,
relax! Nothing works like treating
yourself like a princess.
#7 Check out some dating sites. See what’s out on the market. Most therapists would agree that spending
alone time for a while is the best medicine, but nothing works better for
enhancing self esteem than finding a dude who thinks you’re gorgeous and wants
to get into yours pants. Remember, you
are vulnerable, so you don’t want to put all your emotional eggs in a new
basket, but it sure feels good to know that there’s a dude with a hard on just
waiting for a response from you. One
word of advice: Don’t let hot sex replace a good solid healthy adult
relationship. Too often women make the
mistake of confusing sex with love once they go between the sheets. If you have this problem, be aware. Chicks tend to project what they want to see
on a dude when it’s not really who they are.
So beware!
In reality, there really is no quick fix to get over a
broken heart. Time, talking out your
feelings, and having faith that things happen the way they are meant to be, are
your best resources. Learning to let go,
forgiving your dude and most of all, forgiving yourself for anything you might
blame yourself for. Never look back with
regrets. Shit happens, we go on to
something that may be better than what we lost and we hold our heads high with
dignity and the knowledge that we are too good to feel this bad!
When I went through a heartfelt break-up, it was my inner
adult voice that I kept hearing. She
spoke to me like a Wise Old Women residing in my soul. I know this archetypal energy exists in all
of us. It was she who told me to
write. So writing became my release, my
nocturnal companion. It was writing that
nurtured my wounds and discharged my pain.
When my last lover chose to close the door to what I thought would be my
last chance at love, I took to writing to a book. Still in process, it gives me a vehicle to
let go and accept what I thought would be impossible.
Whether you write, paint, play an instrument, sing, dance or
act, find your bliss, use it and I promise it will bring you the relief and
transformation you yearn for. Trust that
you have all the resources within you. Just
look inside and give yourself permission to use what you already have. We already know what we don’t know that we
know!
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